"I'm sorry... I'm sorry... I'm sorry..." He whispers the dazed chant as he exits the abandoned house and walks briskly down the street. He carries her slightly apart from his body so his steps will jostle her less. It's more effort, but she's light and he has to do whatever he can for her now.
He sits on the curb at the end of the street with her in his lap and summons a cab with his device. As they wait, he looks down at her face, but it's so pained and bloodied he can't bear to keep his gaze there. He knows his alter well, knows how horrible he is and what he does to people, and the fact that she's bearing the brunt of it makes him feel awful.
He stares into space, disassociating, though Death Knight isn't anywhere near. His alter hates this kind of task. It's completely against his nature to care for someone like this. Jeritza's brain simply needs to put distance between himself and this situation, these feelings.
Helpless. He did everything he could think of to keep her safe from him, and none of it made any difference. This wasn't his fault, and yet it is his burden. What is he going to do now? How can he possibly keep her safe when the danger is inside of him? He wishes she would kill him (still unaware of death's impermanence). Perhaps he should do it himself just to end this. The world would be far better off without him, objectively.
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Cw suicidal ideation
Date: 2024-06-24 10:22 pm (UTC)He sits on the curb at the end of the street with her in his lap and summons a cab with his device. As they wait, he looks down at her face, but it's so pained and bloodied he can't bear to keep his gaze there. He knows his alter well, knows how horrible he is and what he does to people, and the fact that she's bearing the brunt of it makes him feel awful.
He stares into space, disassociating, though Death Knight isn't anywhere near. His alter hates this kind of task. It's completely against his nature to care for someone like this. Jeritza's brain simply needs to put distance between himself and this situation, these feelings.
Helpless. He did everything he could think of to keep her safe from him, and none of it made any difference. This wasn't his fault, and yet it is his burden. What is he going to do now? How can he possibly keep her safe when the danger is inside of him? He wishes she would kill him (still unaware of death's impermanence). Perhaps he should do it himself just to end this. The world would be far better off without him, objectively.